What are the characteristics of children who are more susceptible to campus bullying? Jia Hongwu | Characteristics
Rubber, water cup, backpack... From the second semester of junior high school to the first semester of junior high school, Lin Yu's belongings always inexplicably disappeared, and then appeared in the fire cabinet, chair back, top of the blackboard, and even in the toilet. Whenever he feels anxious, the initiator of the "farce" will show off to his classmates around him, "Look, I've played with him again!"
Many years later, Lin Yu realized that he had encountered campus bullying at that time. Although Lin Yu attended a key class in junior high school, due to his poor grades in the class, he had some inferiority complex, rarely lost his temper, and even had a somewhat "pleasing personality". At the beginning of the farce, he chose to "take a step back and broaden the horizon", but instead of letting the bullying subside, it gradually developed into a daily routine. Lin Yu also had resistance, and the other party occasionally "calmed down" for two days before returning to their old state. In the end, Lin Yu no longer fought back. He recalled, "If I had a harder temper at the time, the outcome might have been different.".
Recently, the Ministry of Education and other departments jointly issued the "Special Action Plan for Strengthening and Improving the Mental Health Work of Students in the New Era", which clearly proposes to focus on students who face risk factors such as academic and employment pressure, economic difficulties, emotional crises, family upheavals, campus bullying, as well as changes in the learning and living environment such as off campus internships and social practices.
Campus life, interpersonal relationships, and the physical and mental health of students are closely related. Campus bullying can have a negative impact on both the bullies and the victims. So, is there a universal pattern of campus bullying? Can we reduce the occurrence of bullying by identifying commonalities and avoiding them?
Some people think: "In the campus bullying incident, the bully must have noticed the aggressiveness that is strongly suppressed in the hearts of the bullied". Psychological consultant Yan Yijia said that this view has a certain rationality. "From the perspective of psychoanalytic developmental psychology, 'no tantrum' may mean that children do not have much space to learn to express their inner feelings constructively, including aggression, in the process of growing up. Bullies are often used to expressing aggression and negative emotions in a destructive way." She said that in the eyes of the latter, the former is like a "little sheep" in general.
According to Yan Yijia's summary, children with the following three traits are more likely to be bullied: first, they grow up in a positive voice, and parents often praise them for being "easy to take care of" and "not very angry"; The second is the habit of being arranged in life, lacking the ability to make independent decisions and say "no"; The third is that the body and mind are constantly subjected to rough treatment, gradually becoming accustomed to the experience of being continuously invaded into the boundaries of the body and mind, and unconsciously replicating this relationship in interpersonal relationships.
During the psychological counseling process, Jia Hongwu, a director of the Hubei Psychological Health Association, has had contact with many children who have experienced campus bullying, and some of them do have a tendency to suppress their aggression.
"Some children have received 'anti violence' education, but do not understand what kind of boundaries to fight back against when others violate them." Jia Hongwu once enlightened a child who believed in 'pacifism' and was often maliciously harassed in school. Although this child is angry, due to a strong sense of morality, he is unwilling to fight back in a fierce manner. After receiving psychological counseling, he fiercely resisted once before getting himself out of trouble.
"There are also children whose family conditions are not very good, or left behind children or divorced children, who believe that they cannot receive good protection and are unwilling to engage in conflicts with others." Another child that Jia Hongwu has come into contact with comes from a poor family, and his father has emphasized to him since childhood that he should "be a person with his tail between his legs" because "there is no status or relationship in the family," and he also holds a peaceful attitude towards being bullied. This has developed a personality of pleasing others and avoiding conflicts in children, and even resisting and afraid of socializing after being bullied.
However, Jia Hongwu does not believe that there is a necessary connection between being bullied and suppressing aggressive tendencies. "Children who are bullied also do not have the ability to suppress aggressive tendencies, but they do not have the ability to successfully counterattack.". In Jia Hongwu's view, most children who suffer from bullying have three characteristics: lack of good interpersonal relationships, late development, and inability to receive timely assistance from their families. Among them, interpersonal relationships are the most important factor - bullied children often feel isolated and helpless. Jia Hongwu once saw a child who had transferred schools multiple times during elementary school, often being bullied due to his rustic demeanor. There are many bullies in the crowd, and he dare not resist. As a transfer student, he is unfamiliar with other children, has no friendship, and no one comes forward to stop bullying.
For children who are accustomed to suppressing aggression, Yan Yijia hopes that they can perceive and acknowledge their negative emotions, establish boundaries, and create a safer growth environment. At the same time, they can also confide in trusted people to avoid falling into a situation of learned helplessness.
Jia Hongwu encourages children to actively develop their peer relationships and avoid being left alone. At the same time, timely resolution of minor conflicts between peers can nip bullying in the bud and help potential bullies escape in a timely manner. For children who have been bullied on campus, it is important to inform their parents and teachers seriously and seek assistance and protection from their families and schools as soon as possible.
Jia Hongwu believes that parents should not only strengthen their children's ideological education and encourage them to actively establish social relationships, but also listen carefully to their children's stories at school and explore the truth when bullying may occur.
"When teachers discover potential campus bullying, they should also verify the truth of the situation as soon as possible and take action to help students get out of trouble." Jia Hongwu once had contact with a teacher. After learning about the bullying incident, he called both parties to the office to understand the situation separately, and then clarified the injustice and disadvantages of the bullying for the two. He demanded that the two of them publicly reconcile in the class and promised not to engage in similar behavior in the future, otherwise the bullying incident would be escalated to the principal and parents for handling. Many years later, two classmates exclaimed, "Thanks to the teacher's mediation back then.".
"Students generally fear the authority of their teachers, and if capable teachers can intervene in a timely manner, many forms of bullying may be resolved as soon as possible." Jia Hongwu said that if there are bullying problems that teachers cannot regulate, parents should come forward to negotiate. If there is no further result, they should report to the police and seek legal protection.
