Shanghai University professor's message to graduates: Don't fall into the mud pit of self diagnosis and self-identity. Xiao Ying | Understanding | Society | Graduation | Classmates | Young people | Possibility | Rights
"Many young people are confused whether they are busy or relaxed. They are obsessed with finding their true selves and the meaning of life. There are various reasons... But I want to say that in the final analysis, we are too fond of the 'self': either we think that the current utilitarianism and reputation are the essence of the self, and run wildly on the track of 'success' defined by the system, and if they fail to achieve their goals, they will be catapulted with feelings of frustration and failure; or they will magnify their rights to the level of superciliousness, or full of feelings of forced harm, resulting in indiscriminate isolation and even hostility with society and tradition; when all kinds of fanatics When he recovered a little, he could not help but invoke various ideas and knowledge to doubt himself and life." On July 1, Shanghai University held the 2023 graduation ceremony. Xiao Ying, professor of the School of Social Sciences and president of Qiubai College, spoke as a teacher representative and shared with young people "understanding oneself beyond the' self '".
Xiao Ying delivered a speech at the 2023 graduation ceremony of Shanghai University. Shanghai University Map
Xiao Ying said that in addition to academic, employment, salary and other pressures, people are increasingly "concerned" about various knowledge of physical and psychological management, and young people also "care" about themselves with this knowledge. When people try to use this knowledge to relieve the burden of reality, it actually creates new tension, anxiety, and burden for themselves. "Don't fall into this kind of self diagnosis and self-identity quagmire, everyone. If most of us young people don't care about this kind of being cared for or self caring, be a little confused and simple, not only the psychological pressure but also the real pressure may be much relieved."
How to understand oneself also occurs in social interactions. Xiao Ying mentioned that in today's society, conflicts between people can erupt at any time, whether between acquaintances or strangers. The cause of the contradiction is likely due to our stubbornness in drawing boundaries between ourselves and others between right and wrong, good and evil, and superiority, assuming that others must be infringers of our own rights and interests, and abandoning the human nature of empathy. Some people are often in a state of nervousness and disgust towards others, but "there are not so many enemies in the world, but rather preconceived notions about 'enemies' in our minds.".
The following is the full text of Xiao Ying's speech:
Dear 2023 classmates, respected guests, colleagues, good morning everyone!
The school arranged for me to speak a few words on behalf of the teachers to the 2023 graduates at today's ceremony. To be honest, I feel particularly uneasy in my heart. Firstly, this space is too large, much larger than my classroom. Secondly, I still remember many years ago when I gave a speech at the graduation ceremony of the School of Sociology. After writing it, I showed it to my elementary school students and asked them to evaluate it. He gave me the three words "average", which dealt a heavy blow to me. So a few days ago, after I finished writing my speech, I didn't dare to show it to him who had already graduated from junior high school. The younger generation is formidable. When facing you, what should I say? After much thought, let me share with you some of the most ordinary people and things that have urged me to think about in recent years.
The first thing. Last summer vacation, one of your senior students in the class of 2014 came to see me. During a chat, she said that Teacher X doesn't quite understand young people. I'm surprised, where did this start? She said that during a conversation about depression, a teacher suggested that young people nowadays are under a lot of pressure and should pay more attention to and care for them, as well as their mental health. However, the teacher said that there is nothing to care about or care about. After hearing this, I realized that what you said about not caring about your teachers is actually about the teachers who truly care about you She was also surprised. I explain that you don't feel that the burden on you today is not only on GPA, credits, further education, employment, salary, and promotion, but more importantly, you are increasingly being "cared for" by various knowledge of physical and psychological management. Do you also use this knowledge to "care" for yourself? You are trying to use this knowledge to relieve the burden of reality on you, but isn't it actually creating new tension, anxiety, and burden for yourself? The teacher's words "there is nothing to care about or care about" actually imply that everyone should not fall into this kind of self diagnosis and self-identity quagmire. If most of us young people don't care about this kind of way of being "cared for" or self cared for, be a bit confused and simple, not only the psychological pressure but also the real pressure may be much relieved.
The second thing. A few years ago, I met your senior sister during a survey, who is an active advocate for the rights of property owners. But in communication, I found that her sense of rights seems to be based on her own righteousness and morality, rather than the assumption that the other party is not a good person; Although there is no sufficient evidence, the other party believes that they only make demands and do not participate in community construction, and they are not good people. This makes it difficult for both parties to communicate calmly and openly. On the contrary, what I personally experienced in the first half of last year. My downstairs neighbor has been infected, and the entire building's residents are not avoiding it, but encouraging and helping them together. The infected neighbors also report the progress of their illness and protective measures every day. As a result, the epidemic did not spread, and the neighborhood relationship became more harmonious. After the lifting of the lockdown, the neighbors downstairs sent a bouquet of flowers to each household. Let's consider the relationship between rights and human relationships by comparing them. We interact with different people every day, including family, classmates, neighbors, colleagues, and even unfamiliar passengers on the subway, and conflicts can escalate at any time. What are the causes of the contradiction? It is very likely that we stubbornly draw boundaries between ourselves and others between right and wrong, good and evil, and superiority, assuming that others must be infringers of our own rights and interests, and abandoning the human nature of empathy. This not only leads to the loss of the rights we long to defend in the intensifying action to defend them, but also causes us to be constantly in a state of vigilance and disgust towards others. In fact, there are not so many enemies in the world, but rather preconceived notions about them in our minds.
The third one is the growth story of a 2015 senior sister of yours, and we have the privilege to witness her process of becoming selfless. When she approached me as a mentor at the end of 2018, I suggested that she conduct research with her senior. However, she refused with a single word "I don't like it". I secretly complained and recruited another self righteous student. During her first year of graduate school, she studied with us, but disappeared as soon as it came to team building activities. In second grade, our mentor group noticed her subtle changes, no longer cold as ice, but able to smile. In the second half of second grade, she comes to my office every two weeks to discuss her research. I have never read the fields and texts that she is interested in, and it is difficult to abstractly understand and guide her, so every time she gives me a class, I take notes, and then discuss. I told her that I don't quite understand your text, and my task is to guide you out of your domain, absorb richer imagination and vision, and think without barriers. Last March, Shanghai University entered the most difficult period in history, with many students' lives, studies, and psychology affected. However, she wrote an excellent master's thesis. Later on, I learned that the most exciting part of her paper was written by her during her time wandering between different classrooms and laying floors. After graduating with a master's degree, she fell in love with investigation. Recently, she read me an article she wrote. Compared to the tense expression we used when writing papers, her writing was relaxed. What I read between the lines was that the weight was light and the wind was light. This child is not a good student in the standard sense. She has not applied for any projects, received any scholarships, or worked as a student leader. However, her attitude towards life is something I respect and admire, and it is also a mirror of my self reflection. She genuinely likes and does something from the bottom of her heart, without any external purpose. Of course, she does not refuse the rewards and appreciation she receives for her achievements, but she does not use them as a strategy, let alone become entangled in it and worry about gains and losses. It can be said that she is walking on the path of "not liking things, not grieving for herself". Because of this, she has to some extent surpassed many of her classmates who were deeply trapped in the "trap", and her life path has been reduced by many setbacks that young people find difficult to avoid. I believe she will walk confidently and firmly on the path she has chosen.
These people and things, perhaps each of us can find them in ourselves or around us, and they are ubiquitous and commonplace. I know that many young people, whether busy or relaxed, are confused, struggling to find their true selves and the meaning of life. There are certainly various reasons, such as having too many choices, having the capital to gnaw on old age, having a fulfilling ideal, a bone like reality, and so on. But I want to say that ultimately, it is still us who spoil our "selves" too much: either we think that the current utilitarianism and honor are the essence of ourselves, and we run recklessly on the track of success defined by the system. Once we fail to achieve our goals, we will feel a sense of frustration and failure; Either they magnify their rights to the extent of superciliousness, or they are full of the sense of forced harm, so that they are indiscriminately isolated or even hostile to society and tradition; When I have slightly regained my senses among various fanatics, I involuntarily cite various ideas and knowledge to doubt myself and life. In fact, stepping out of these illusory selves is the only way to approach the best and most genuine self. Moreover, the effect of stepping out of oneself is not lying flat, but the nourishment and flow of relentless life force flowing deep in still water.
I have said so much, but in fact, there is only one wish: you must be happy!
Thank you!
