"Gradually Frozen Dancer" Ge Min's Second Half of Life Reading Club | Ge Min | Second Half

"Hello everyone, I am Ge Min, a former dancer and now a gradually frozen person."

On the evening of June 17th, on the eve of World Freezing Day, Ge Min came to Shanghai from her home in Nantong to participate in the additional session of the Sinan Reading Club that day. Sitting in a wheelchair, she relied on an eye controller to "operate" a computer placed on a small desk and "speak". Due to the size of this equipment, her position is slightly higher than the other guests on stage.

"Shanghai can be said to be my second hometown. I was admitted to Shanghai Dance School at the age of 12 and was assigned to work in Shanghai Song and Dance Troupe for 5 years after graduation. In 2019, my first book," Because of Love, I Persist, "was published in Shanghai Bookstore. After 4 years, I was fortunate enough to return to Shanghai with my second and third books..."

On stage, Zhu Jiejing, the familiar chief actor of Shanghai Song and Dance Troupe Rongdian, looked at the familiar figure in front of her. One day, six or seven years ago, a message was pushed on her phone saying, "I can't believe this' gradually frozen person Ge Min 'is my senior sister."

"She is still wearing a dancer's hairpin and hairnet, and her hair is still coiled high above her head." When it was Zhu Jiejing's turn to speak, she choked up. "Perhaps Ge Min sister will still be a dancer in her next life."

Ge Min is currently facing the second half of her life.

Ge Min. Chen Duzhao

one

"No matter who you are, as long as the hospital verdict is issued, you will inevitably go through several psychological processes: fear, doubt, helplessness, depression, acceptance, and death. Of course, I am no exception."

Ge Min used to be a dancer in Shanghai Song and Dance Troupe. After graduating with a master's degree from Beijing Dance Academy, she taught at Chaoyang School affiliated with Renmin University of China.

In the summer of 2016, Li Qing and Ge Min met during a dance therapy class. At that time, Ge Min's speech was still indistinguishable, and her limbs were as agile as dancers. She even accidentally pushed Li Qing to the ground while exploring some movements due to excessive force. In Li Qing's eyes, "it really just looks like there's something wrong with her throat.".

Upon learning that the doctor had not yet provided a final diagnosis, Li Qing comforted her not to think too pessimistically. However, just one month later, when I saw Ge Min again, I could no longer hear every word she struggled to utter. In the following meetings, Ge Min's situation worsened time and time again: first, during meals, the speed of chewing and swallowing became slower and slower, and the hands could not hold the chopsticks and could only use spoons or hands to grab them; When it comes to walking, the legs and feet become weak, and one accidentally falls... Over the course of two years, ALS gradually devoured this once young and healthy body, until life became completely self-sufficient.

Li Qing later became the executive editor in chief of "Because of Love, So Persist". This book is called by the media as the first collective writing of a group of gradually frozen people in China. The articles included in this book are all from the "Bingyuge" official account founded by Ge Min. Nantong writer Lu Xinhua specially visited his hometown Ge Min to write a preface.

"The first time I saw Ge Min, it reminded me of the scene when I was a guest at Zhang Haidi's house more than a decade ago." Lu Xinhua recalled that when he held Zhang Haidi's hand, he found thick calluses on the joints of her hands' backs. He couldn't help but ask, "What's going on?" Heidi casually told me that if I sat for a long time while writing, I would have to stand up straight on the armrest of the wheelchair. Over time, the back of my hand became like this. I still vividly remember her calm and brilliant smile when she said these words. The same smile was on Ge Min's face and body. "In my gaze, even emanating from every pore..."

Ge Min attended the Sinan Reading Club, with Lu Xinhua, Ge Min, Zhu Jiejing, and another guest, Ge Jianping. Ge Min has also cried in the picture. In the early stages of her illness, she spent a year with her phone, sleeping pills, antidepressants, sedatives, and tears. Anyone who suffers from this disease will be completely disillusioned - Faced with an increasingly declining body, you will not want to go out because you are afraid of meeting old friends and neighbors. You dare not go to crowded and bustling places because you are afraid of others looking at you differently. Don't dare to speak in public because you are afraid that unclear words will scare others away. Even the illness cannot be made public because you are afraid of becoming the protagonist of a well-known tragic story.

Ge Min described the suffering of gradually freezing people as akin to ancient torture, "disabling your hands and feet, cutting off your eating and breathing, and depriving you of the only right to express and communicate.". She once described the survival status of a gradually frozen patient as follows: "Every day when you wake up, you can clearly feel that your body is being quietly taken away by the disease, which should be your own function..." The order of freezing life is as follows: "First, hands, then legs, then sound, then swallow, and finally breathe, leaving only a pair of blinking eyes, a pair of hearing ears, and a brain that can feel the entire body being engulfed at any time."

Ge Min has experienced all of these before.

two

"Take the 45/100000 chance of getting sick as my new business card and new 'career'. Only by letting go of the so-called face saving, self-esteem, self doubt, and defensive heart, can you not be rejected by society and healthy people, and can you enjoy a unique spiritual freedom in your gradually frozen body."

On the evening of June 17th, Ge Min, who was in a wheelchair, was pushed onto the stage of the Sinan Reading Club. How uncomfortable should it be to see a gradually frozen person on stage, unable to speak? More than two months ago, upon learning that the Sinan Reading Club intended to invite Ge Min to publish his new book, veteran reader Xu Shujian couldn't help but worry. That afternoon, the previous book club ended, and he went to a nearby pharmacy to buy a box of medicine for his lover. He quickly returned to the venue. As soon as I turned around, I saw a woman pushing a wheelchair into the corridor. "The beautiful lady in the wheelchair smiled at me," Xu Shujian realized, it was Ge Min, the protagonist of the next reader's meeting. When the wheelchair entered the door and encountered the threshold, he quickly helped lift the rear wheels.

Before the event, Ge Min needs to use the restroom. "Watching Ge Min being lifted up, it was like a doll - with both hands and legs hanging down, her unsupported head resting on the nanny's shoulder, struggling to be dragged into the bathroom, and then even more struggling." Returning to the wheelchair and adjusting to a more comfortable position, Ge Min could only make a slight "hmm, hmm" sound and finally sat down, taking more than ten minutes. One of the planners of this book club, Wang Lan, former Party Secretary of the Shanghai Writers Association, recalled only two words of "heartache".

The book club started, to Xu Shujian's surprise. After Lu Xinhua finished talking about the process of meeting and intersecting with Ge Min, he only heard a faint voice - "Thank you, Teacher Lu Xinhua, for your great help, thank you to all the guests present.". Although the voice was low, almost everyone in the hall filled with readers could hear it, and thunderous applause erupted afterwards.

On site reading club. After Zhu Jiejing choked up a few times in the picture, Ge Min used an eye control device to "speak" and said, "I feel like I'm back in the dance classroom. After that, I want to take a photo with Zhu Jiejing because I can't see her on stage."

Zhu Jiejing is Ge Min's junior sister at Shanghai Dance School, who is also a professional teacher. Why do you have a particularly deep impression of Ge Min? At that time, the teacher used three words to describe her - particularly fond of laughter, extremely hardworking, and good at dancing. Dancers can all endure hardship, but Ge Min is a person who can endure hardship. The pain of dancing goes without saying that she has been a person who can talk to herself and reconcile with herself since childhood. Ge Min dances well, and can integrate her feelings into the professional skills taught by the teacher in school. She learned to create twice, is a top student in the dance school, and is also a major actress in the song and dance troupe. She was admitted to the Beijing Dance Academy as an excellent student and entered the ranks of people's teachers. She is also a good teacher. I would think she was born to eat this bowl of rice

Ge Min and Zhu Jiejing. "I used to have the physique and temperament of a dancer, and wherever I went, I was more eye-catching than an ordinary person. The huge contrast brought by illness is imaginable," Ge Min wrote in an article. "At first, I was also afraid of being laughed at by acquaintances, afraid of hearing countless people's opinions and guidance behind her. I even imagined that others might say, 'Who made her so perfect, so smooth, and so hardworking? Now the heavens are jealous, so people cannot be too strong or too excellent...'"

But what's the use of fear? The establishment of the "Ice Language Pavilion" became a turning point for Ge Min. In order to strengthen this group of patients, she disregarded the opposition of her family and publicly disclosed her condition. Even if you can't speak clearly and struggle with your steps, it's good to still tidy up before going out - becoming a "beauty in the gradually frozen world" is also great.

three

"ALS deprived me of the right to dance and give lectures, and my once proud heart gradually learned to bow down and compromise with fate. One of them was the love I had for my son, which I spent over two years convincing myself to let go of."

Ge Min. Lu Xinhua admires the wit and wisdom in Ge Min's writing in the picture. She wrote about her father like this: "My father used to have no ambition, was lazy and lazy, and besides being honest and kind, he was' useless'. He often played the role of 'not being successful enough, but having more failures'. He and my mother seemed to be people from two different worlds: one lived a simple life and was content with the situation; the other was shrewd, capable, and competitive. These two people with different personalities and pursuits argued under the same roof for a lifetime..." However, my mother, who was known as the' female man ', suddenly collapsed in 2008. God intentionally allowed them to switch roles, and Dad began to support the family without hesitation, working tirelessly. Shopping, cooking, cleaning, taking care of Mom's daily life, and so on, he was not afraid of the complexity and worked tirelessly. After I fell ill, the burden on Dad became even heavier. I was even more difficult to serve than Mom, and besides making every move more difficult, my temper was also more irritable. Nowadays, Dad is not only the spiritual pillar of me and Mom, but also plays three roles in my life: an outlet, a bodyguard, and a nanny... Zhu Ziqing's deep feelings of father's love are condensed on his back as he climbs the platform. "I am particularly moved by my father's figure, who is not limited to time and environment, and can sleep soundly when he has free time..."

"During these 6 years, Ge Min must have experienced tremendous ups and downs in her life. Today, she can joke with fate, fall in love with fate, drink tea with fate, and play cards. However, when she closes the door to face herself, the darkness, her father, and her child, she must have experienced endless sadness." Zhu Jiejing pondered.

"Summer has become fearful and long in my heart. My body is like a small insect caught in a spider's web, struggling desperately, but unable to escape the web with its wings sticking to it. At night, if unfortunately bitten by a mosquito, it becomes extremely itchy and unable to scratch. A slight stabbing pain comes from the nerve endings, allowing it to suck and drink enough before escaping, leaving a red and itchy bump on my body." Ge Min recorded this a few years ago. What saddened her the most was that her son, who was not yet six years old, kicked off the blanket while sleeping at night. She was worried that the air conditioning would make the child catch a cold all night, but her arms couldn't even pull the blanket under him. "I tried to pull up the blanket with all my strength, but failed again and again. At that moment, all the tears and sweat mixed together."

Over the course of several years of illness, I watched helplessly as I grew farther and farther away from my child. In the early stages of the illness, except for reading storybooks, everything else could proceed as usual. In the second half of the year, the condition became "unable to hold, run, take a shower, help him dress and feed, all the 'cannot' were cruelly placed in front of me at lightning speed. A few times, I stubbornly tried to do something for the child. Once, while playing with a group of children, my son was tired and begged me for a hug. Due to insufficient arm strength, when he put it down, he accidentally threw his head heavily on the sports equipment."

The night when the child kicked off the blanket was the "last night" that Ge Min cherished.

She insisted on going to Beijing on the International Children's Day before her children went to primary school, "hoping to accompany her children to have a Children's Day with me and the last summer vacation without learning pressure". The child's height has increased significantly, but the psychological distance between the mother and son seems to be much further apart. Auntie came up with a solution and tricked my son back to sleep with me all night. Throughout the night, I kept checking if he had kicked the blanket. If he couldn't handle it, I used my teeth and feet, using all the parts of my body that could be moved, to cover it for him. It was getting light soon, and I wanted to catch all the details of that moment. He suddenly woke up from his dream and turned over to find me sleeping next to him. Without saying a word, I jumped out of bed at the fastest speed, put on my shoes, and ran to Auntie downstairs. At that moment, I lay calmly on the bed, looking at the ceiling, and smiled. Tell myself: You did your best, it's time to let go. "

In the days of gradually distancing himself from his son, a sentence from his fellow patient "Mo Chen" made Ge Min suddenly enlightened. He said, "My son has graduated from junior high school, and he still regards me as the air at home. You need to give him time and space to grow up." From the perspective of a 6-year-old child's psychology, it is reasonable for him to have no interest in a mother like me. It is reasonable for him to gradually lose emotional support when facing a mother who cannot speak, move, play, protect or help himself. "Ge Min felt that" Rather than saying that the child needs the care of parents, it is more important for parents to give the child what is needed. "Sense of presence."

Ge Min said that writing these things does not mean blaming her son, but rather hoping that her fellow patients in the same situation can avoid some psychological entanglements. "On the other hand, I also hope that in a few years, I will no longer be alive, and my son can understand my mother's helplessness when she has more heart but less strength."

"I am truly a unique mother. Other mothers get sick and wish to protect their children day and night, fearing that there will be no more opportunities. However, I have chosen to leave alone and face it alone. Mom doesn't want to be at the mercy of illness and wants to gamble with such a fate, but she doesn't want to sacrifice your childhood happiness. Please forgive me for not seeking your opinion, and I took the initiative to leave your life. Please forgive Mom, perhaps only in this way can she dress lightly and fight against illness without any hesitation..."

four

"With ALS, our bodies will eventually deteriorate, but our minds can continue to grow. We should live as a beam of light, because when you become light, everyone is willing to come close to you."

The original intention of Ge Min in founding the "Ice Language Pavilion" was to communicate with his son through written means, and later achieved even greater success. One day, the child's homeroom teacher sent a message: "Good morning, dear! My son has performed very well today! He spoke very actively in Chinese class, was very engaged in reading the text, and was very emotional! The lesson we learned today is" Mom Sleeps ", and the child said he misses you very much."

At that moment, Ge Min's face was filled with tears. "The fact is that my son is very sensitive, and he understands many things about adults. It's just because he's too young to face the harsh reality, so he instinctively chooses to escape and bury the pain in the depths of his own soul. With the self-esteem of a young man, he carefully protects it from others to see. I feel that I can't just quietly walk away from his life like this. I still try my best to leave my traces in his life, not the warmth of my body, not the fragrance of my food, but also my words, my experiences, my spirit, my lessons, my expectations..."

She expects her child to "become the person she likes", "spend her whole life with a kind heart", and "life should not be too full.". She said that when we have to face the difficulties of reality and retreat behind the scenes, the best love is to learn to let go, let go, and let the child get what they need instead of what you think is the best.

"My child, if one day Death had to take away my mother, I wish you never had my presence in your memory. I wish your life would still be a pure land without sadness. Everything can start from scratch, and everything is beautiful together... My child, please rest assured that no matter where, no matter when, I will always think of you, think of you, and love you." At the Sinan Reading Club, when readers read Ge Min's letter to their children on stage, who could not be moved by this love?

Ge Min's new book is titled "Love is a Cycle". Ge Min's upcoming new book is called "Love is a Cycle", which is her own life note. When it comes to her father, she said, "From my father, I have gained a new understanding of parent-child and marital relationships. For parent-child relationships, blood is the bond, and tolerance and dedication are the content. Whether a child becomes a child or not, rich or poor, healthy or sick, parents take care of everything. Even if they give their all, they do not hesitate to sacrifice everything and even their lives. What is a true husband and wife is not sweet, warm, romantic, but just embellishments of ordinary days; but whether facing the monotony of day after day, year after year, or the dangers that come from heaven, they can never leave and stay together until old."

On June 16th, the day before Ge Min came to Shanghai to participate in the Sinan Reading Club, according to the local Jianghai Evening News in Nantong, with the support of the Happiness Street Warm "Frozen" Love Alliance and the "Ice Language Pavilion" mutual aid platform for gradually frozen people, the first national family rehabilitation series film for gradually frozen people, "Speech Disorder Rehabilitation", initiated by Ge Min and produced by Shibei Rehabilitation Hospital, was publicly released.

When it comes to the weapon of gradually freezing people, Ge Min's first keyword is "empathy". "From the earliest time I only wanted to leave my son some spiritual wealth after a few years, to creating the official account of" Ice Language Pavilion ", and then to doing something within my power and meaningful for the patients. Unconsciously, I transferred my fear and pain of terminal illness to the enthusiasm for public welfare. While helping others, I also received the care and encouragement of everyone. I felt the value of my life, and no longer felt that I was a useless person... Six years of experience made me believe that starting a new life may not require so much external support. In the" no hands, no feet ", no words, and difficult to move forward The only thing you can use in your life is your brain."

Zhu Jiejing said that in the past six years, she watched the official account "Bingyuge" launched by Ge Min and paid attention to the process of fighting against the disease between her and the patients with frostbite. "It's not that we are helping the group of patients with frostbite, but that they are actually helping me and us."

"In the past, Ge Min used to dance on stage with her own body, but now she continues to dance on a larger stage with her writing, soul, and soul." Wang Lan said that Ge Min is a "thawer" and also a "thawer", using her books and words to help herself "thaw", help patients "thaw", and also help healthy people to thaw their hearts and spirits. "Ge Min said she wants to live as a beam of light, hoping that this beam of light will always accompany us and inspire us."

Ge Min and Sinan Reading Club Readers. picture