Can I "survive" for the rest of my life?, Three years after the murder case in Fuzhou, Jiangxi: The lawsuit court | Parents | Murder Case

This summer, as the plaintiff, Confi was absent from a long-awaited online reputation rights lawsuit trial for three years.

"I voluntarily gave up. If I see the words of online abusers who defame our family, I will experience a stress response," explained Confield.

In early August 2020, a shocking social incident was hotly discussed: a homicide case occurred in Shandang Town, Le'an County, Fuzhou City, Jiangxi Province, resulting in the death of two elderly people and serious injuries to one child. The perpetrator later killed a local village official. After committing the crime, the murderer Zeng Chunliang fled in fear of guilt for over a week before being caught. Kangfei is the youngest daughter of the murdered old couple, and it was her second sister Kangting's son Yuan who was seriously injured.

But this is not the end of this family tragedy. After their parents were killed, these originally innocent victims were severely injured by waves of online rumors.

After a three-year hiatus, the online infringement case triggered by this murder case was brought to trial. For Confi, it was like throwing another boulder into the rippling lake surface. Kangfei began to suffer from frequent insomnia, just like when her parents first left. Unlike three years ago, she knew that these stress states would soon pass.

The initial quagmire: irrational self blame and refusal to acknowledge reality

When I contacted Confi in early April this year, I wanted to talk to her about how to heal myself. At that time, I posted a photo of early spring cherry blossoms on my WeChat Moments. She was the first person to give me a like.

My impression of Confi is stuck in the heart wrenching interview phone call three years ago, "My parents are gone, and in this world, I am the only one left..." Later, she occasionally leaves me messages in the early morning, "Are you asleep? I can't sleep." It's hard to imagine the situation where she chose to confide in me, who has only been involved in this case report.

I checked her social media and found out that she got married at the beginning of this year. She smiled openly in the camera.

The following is the account of Confei and her sister Kangting's "healing" experience over the past three years——

Connie: After my parents left, I kept sending them WeChat messages, as if they were still there. Once I dreamt that my mother was in the yard, and no one else could see her, only I could see her. She pointed to the clothes beside her and said, "These are not my clothes, they are children's clothes."

I cried from my dream until I woke up. I left her a WeChat message saying, "Mom, what should I do... how can I survive?"

They left in the most unacceptable way for me. In the days after my parents were killed, I sat in the middle of their coffins, with my father lying on the left and my mother lying on the right. I even wondered why the person lying inside wasn't me? This was my only thought during the weeks when my parents left.

"What should we do?" This should be a question we all ask ourselves after our close relatives leave. In reality, we are not unaware of what we should do, but rather a strong sense of powerlessness that blocks our rational path.

I am the youngest child in my family. Until my parents left, I didn't establish my own family and relied the most on them. Until middle school graduation, I slept in the same room as my parents. My father will pick me up at the high-speed railway station when I return home from college vacation. It can be said that my parents are my spiritual pillar. But now, my spiritual pillar collapses with a loud bang.

Once when I went home to sweep the grave, I went out to the bathroom late at night and found that the light on the third floor where I lived was on. My brother and sister-in-law went to bed early that day, and my sister confirmed earlier that the lights had been turned off. I suddenly remembered a habit my mother had before her death: the control switch of the lights on the second floor where she lived could connect to the lights on the third floor. She knows I'm afraid of the dark, and every time I use the restroom at home, she helps me turn on the lights on the second floor. That day, I was wondering if my mom knew I was going home and was helping me turn on the lights?

The habit of chatting with deceased parents on WeChat has been maintained for about half a year. At the end of 2020, my sister suddenly said to me, "Do you know? Actually, your sister-in-law has always been holding dad's phone." My sister-in-law and I have never been very close. I suddenly felt that something very private and painful was being watched by another person, so I stopped sending things to my parents' WeChat.

After her mother passed away, Confi still left a message on her WeChat. Respondents provide pictures

Perhaps it is precisely this turning point that has led me to focus more on real life.

For a long time, my family and I both fell into self blame - my sister blamed herself for not bringing her parents to Shenzhen for summer vacation; My brother blamed himself for relaxing his guard after the first time the killer sneaked into his home and his family reported it to the police; And I always make all impossible assumptions: why didn't I remind my parents to close the door at home at that time? If I had taken them on a trip, nothing like this would have happened. I even associate myself with years of being irresponsible to my parents, lacking a sense of participation, being terrible, and being a "bad person".

Kangfei's words remind me of the completely different impression the sisters left on the outside world. Sister is gentle and calm, while sister is stubborn and emotionally strong.

December 21, 2020, the winter solstice, was the day when the trial of Zeng Chunliang's intentional homicide case was held. The day before the trial, Conoco contacted several media outlets that had previously reported on this case to go to the trial site. That night, Kangfei spoke so fast that she couldn't finish her meal. She ordered so many dishes that no one could finish, until her sister Kangting stopped her.

What everyone sees is always Confi speaking out in anger on the internet. There was only one exception, as Conoco was constantly subjected to cyberbullying and felt particularly guilty. Seeing his younger sister feeling overwhelmed, Kang Ting, who was taking care of her son in the hospital, decided to take over and speak on Weibo.

Kang Ting: In October 2020, while I was hospitalized in Shenzhen from afar, Kang Fei called and cried loudly. She sent me a screenshot of her family being subjected to cyberbullying. Hearing her crying, I felt anxious and wanted to do something. But everything is like punching cotton, useless. At that time, I often had nerve headaches and crazy hair loss.

Perhaps compared to my younger sister, I seem more peaceful and even rational to outsiders. In fact, emotions, such as extreme grief, may not necessarily be externalized. And I also have a son whose life is in danger. I always feel that he is the only hope in a disaster, and also the person that parents want to protect with all their might.

People often say that cultivating a child starts from scratch, but when I first got injured, I started with negative numbers. After starting rehabilitation training from a distance, many geniuses began to speak, and many sounds could not be produced. He can't jump rope anymore, he needs to throw the rope in front of him and jump again in a long time. The rope kept hitting my face and head, so I had to put on my helmet and mask from afar.

Due to damage to his brain control system, he is now accustomed to doing everything with his left hand, and even if it is something that his right hand can accomplish, he no longer wants to use it. In addition, his language and logical thinking abilities have also declined significantly. A sentence with complex components often leaves him unsure of how to arrange the word order. And he was a child with strong language abilities before.

Sometimes, he unconsciously drags his right foot while walking on the road. I know this is a aftermath of that disaster, but I am still mercilessly pointing out his problem.

I also thought about whether such a tragic memory would cast a shadow on him when he was injured from afar. I took him for psychological counseling, and the counselor judged that he was far from being a mentally healthy child. This incident did not leave a particularly large shadow in his mind. He doesn't understand the evil of human nature, he prefers to believe that the murderer is a "mentally disturbed person".

Analyzing the killer's motive is a cruel task for us. I remember that on the day of the murder trial, both of our sisters kept their heads down on the plaintiff's bench, unable to stop their tears. For him, that moment was not something that simple hatred could express. He was there, answering questions expressionlessly, like an animal without a soul and conscience. Whether the murderer was sentenced to death or the court accepted our lawsuit for online infringement, nothing can become the end of this family tragedy.

Accept and acknowledge the "self that looks bad"

In this high-rise residential building near Longgang, Shenzhen, the window view of the Kangfei family is not particularly beautiful: nearby is a low urban village house, with exposed cement walls and clothes casually hanging on the outdoor balcony. Further away, it is a mountain range with a green hue that is common throughout the four seasons in the Lingnan region. But Confi felt that such window edges were the best place. At least, she can see so many people working hard for life. Sometimes, even a gust of food aroma wafting from someone else's house can make Confi feel like she's on earth.

The scenery outside the window of Confield's house. Photo by Yang Shuyuan

In the afternoon after the adjournment of the 2020 Zeng Chunliang murder case, Confi told me that she had returned home. This was the first time she had faced this home since her parents were murdered. There is a lot of dust at home, and the little bird is carrying branches to plan to build a nest in the yard. She remembered how her father used to scatter these birds with regret: "If it were an old house, let them build their nests." Her father didn't like to change his shoes when he entered the house, so he would stomp heavily on the door, dust off the dust, and then enter the house, muttering, "My shoes are quite clean..." Father's shadow was everywhere in the house.

After her parents left for over a month, she returned to Shenzhen. In the small house she had worked hard to build, she began to feel the pain of losing something important in life, and became accustomed to accepting the conflicting and wounded self.

Confi: Once, my aunt was cleaning up at home and took out a bag of deformed frozen dumplings from the fridge, wanting to throw them away. I rushed forward fiercely to stop because these dumplings were made for me by my mother when she came to Shenzhen. In this home, she left nothing but this bag of dumplings.

Until now, this bag of dumplings is still in the refrigerator. I think since I'm not willing to throw it away, there's no need to forcibly say goodbye to the past, just keep it.

My current sleep biological clock is completely different from others. I usually go to bed at one or two in the morning and don't wake up until noon the next day. I wake up many times in the middle. At first, I thought it was me consuming myself, but later I realized that it wasn't really a big deal.

In recent years, I have been keeping earplugs, eye masks, and Buddha beads by my bedside all year round. Because of fear, I dare not close the curtains, so I have to wear an eye mask every day. I am afraid of light, but also afraid of not being able to see it. I am like a contradiction, but I also accept this kind of self.

After her parents left, Kangfei would always put sleeping pills on her pillow. Respondents provide pictures

After returning to Shenzhen, many people who cared about me advised me not to be overly sad. But I've been thinking about a question, if I really feel sad, why should I restrain my emotions?

Until I saw a video online about "emotional monism", I was able to reconcile. In the short video, the host asked the little boy, "Do you think happiness is important?" The little boy gave a negative answer because "all emotional experiences are important.". Monists believe that all emotions are equivalent, treating them as a flicker that is trying to tell us what life is currently going through. But in the world of dualism, out of the pursuit of profit and avoidance of harm, we naturally pursue positivity and detest negativity, but this can also have disastrous consequences: we will force ourselves to be uplifted when we are down.

Indeed, the sudden departure of my parents has left a big hole in my heart. I just want to allow all emotions to occur naturally and not restrain myself.

I have also done psychological counseling before. At that time, my company boss thought I needed help and recommended me to the psychological counselor she often consulted, and asked me to use her counseling frequency.

Every time I see a counselor, I cry uncontrollably while expressing myself. Once a counselor asked me, "Have you ever thought about saying goodbye to your parents?" I suddenly froze for a moment and realized that even then, I had been unwilling to admit that my parents had really left me.

I cried loudly and said to the counselor, "I can't do it. They are still accompanying me in another form..."

After several rounds of psychological counseling, I stopped continuing. On the one hand, I don't think this is the most suitable way for me to regulate my inner self: often times, what I need is not a character who is "clear headed" in the world. Because the effect of this psychological counseling is temporary, even after returning to life, the inner difficulties are still difficult to resolve. On the other hand, this is my boss's card, and I'm really sorry to ask her to bear the cost of my psychological counseling.

In the past two years, my sister and I have started to make frequent appointments to do various things. The two originally independent people sticking together will dissolve each other's pain a bit. We will complement each other's daily fragments of spending time with our parents, such as when my dad had an argument with me over something, and my sister and I may have completely different versions of memories. Most of the time, we start recalling with a smile and end with silence. We are all restraining our emotions.

When Kangfei sleeps, she always wears an eye mask but at the same time pulls open the curtains to let in the light outside the window. Respondents provide pictures

Kang Ting: My most difficult time was not when my parents had just left, but when my child returned to school a year later and I was alone at home without resuming work.

I am not very good at seeking help from others when it comes to emotional issues. My only advantage is that when emotions come, I accept them. I feel that in this regard, my father and I are actually very similar. My dad always remains calm when it comes to major events.

I remember the day when something happened at home was a Saturday. I am the first person to go home. Seeing that my parents have no signs of life and my child's head is blurry, I can no longer feel the presence of my own feet. I don't know how I moved to my aunt's house. But in my mind, the first thing that came to my mind was to call 120 instead of 110 to call the police. I know, we need to save those who can survive first. On the ambulance taking me to the hospital from afar, I was trembling all over, but I didn't have time to cry either. What I was thinking was that today was the weekend and there might not be a surgeon. I don't have a mobile phone around me, so I earnestly request the doctor in the ambulance to contact a neurosurgeon for me as soon as possible. Please make sure the doctor is waiting for us to undergo the surgery in the hospital. I think being calm in times of adversity is the character that my father left for me deep in his genes.

My sister and I didn't collapse, thanks to my parents who gave us a happy childhood. We have a sense of security and can focus our thoughts and actions without any distractions. We also have upward vitality in the mud.

Some light in life has seeped in, feeling uneasy and looking forward to it

While sharing with me the gratifying changes in her recent life, Confi suddenly hesitated for a moment. She immediately began to feel anxious and kept asking me, "If I were to write about my current life again, would anyone blame me again?"

When I pointed out that she might have some post-traumatic stress reactions, Confi pondered for a moment and expressed agreement.

Last year, Confi met her life partner, a boy who was 6 years younger than her. Before officially discussing marriage, she decided to fully expose her experience as a victim. She didn't explain directly to him, just took out her phone and asked him to check her previous Weibo account. This Weibo is her voice channel after her parents were killed. After reading it, my boyfriend cried while holding onto Connie and said, "Do you believe it? I was sent by your parents."

On the contrary, Kang Ting's way of obtaining a new life was precisely after his parents left, determined to leave a "nominal" marriage.

Both sisters are abandoning the past, but there is a "ghost" that always follows suit - cyber violence against the victim's family. One of the initiators of online violence, Xin Ping, is also a public official of the Fuzhou Public Security Bureau in Jiangxi. He was suspected of inciting online emotions after the incident in 2020 and spread the statement that the Kang family was targeted by the killer for a reason under the Weibo account of "Photographer Lao Ka". After the trial in June, the parties admitted to some inappropriate remarks that harmed the Kang family on the internet, stating that they could provide economic compensation, but did not want to publicly apologize. His acting lawyer believes that there is indeed a conflict between the two parties, but it does not constitute insult or defamation within the meaning of the Civil Code of the People's Republic of China, nor does it constitute infringement.

On the internet, slanderous remarks against the Kang family. Respondents provide pictures

Connie: When I met my husband on a blind date, I remember the first thing I said after adding him was, "You're from Wuhan, why do you add me from Shenzhen?"

I also don't want to reveal my real name. I'm afraid the other party will search for my name online, so I asked the intermediary to tell the boy that my name is "Feifei".

At the beginning, I raised various doubts about my boyfriend, who is 6 years younger than me. But he is still very persistent in doing many things. For example, he quietly gave up his previously well developed position and went to the Shenzhen headquarters for job transfer training. Since he found out my address, the delivery has never been interrupted. He bought me a small electric fan and felt that if it was too hot for me to eat noodles, it could be used. Fill the small cart with snacks when you arrive at my house.

Before, I used to feel down intermittently, thinking that I couldn't even protect my parents well. He didn't deliberately correct my thoughts, just repeatedly told me, "Whatever you are, this is the most authentic version of you."

I got married to my boyfriend in less than half a year. This is a crying and laughing wedding, how I want my parents to see this person around me! The flower boy could see my thoughts from afar. He tugged at the corner of my clothes and comforted me, "I know you must miss grandma very much."

Now, I have revealed all these details of my private life and I am also very worried that they will become material for a new round of spreading rumors about me, creating another version of the story that is unbearable. My family has suffered too much from such harm.

I have abstained from my Weibo account for a long time before the trial in June this year. I think if I keep updating Weibo and speaking out for myself, it will only make me fall deeper. I think being able to regain the instinct of self-protection is also a part of healing.

At the same time as my parents, there was also a local village official from Le'an who was killed, and their daughter is also in Shenzhen. Later, we met again in Shenzhen, and I even speculated that the victim's wife had a sense of superiority because her husband was a government worker and she received a pension, while my family did not. Later on, when I looked back, I found it really funny: why do the victims still have to be classified into three, six, or nine levels?

It seems that the shameful concept of "perfect victims" is still at work. As a victim of such a criminal case, our family should be a family with poor living conditions to deserve attention.

In my hometown village, many people seem to have deep-rooted prejudices. I still remember after my family had an accident, many people in the town were speculating: was it because this family had a grudge against the thief, or was it because they were rich and ruthless, that the thief was thinking about them? I feel cold hearted about this victim guilt theory.

Returning to the city of Shenzhen where I live, the relatively unfamiliar society is actually more friendly. My colleague would send me a bouquet of flowers after learning about my family's situation, and she would say to me, "I know I don't have the right to comfort you..." Another sister next to me suggested coming to accompany me during my toughest times. Another time, someone approached my boss, hoping that she could persuade me to give up suing Xin Ping and choose an out of court settlement. My boss immediately stated, "I can't do such a heartless thing." All of what they did made me feel a sense of being entrusted.

At the same time, I meet malicious individuals on the internet every day. "The deceased father of this family is a scoundrel." "The youngest daughter of this family is starting to live stream and promote products every day."... I often wonder, what kind of people are those who slander me on the internet? "? They may be failures in the real world, but they can harm me recklessly in the virtual world.

Kang Ting: After my child was injured, my ex husband and I officially divorced. It was the family upheaval that gave me this courage. Before, I used to think that living a decent life was important and that my child's future must meet my expectations... Gradually, I didn't pay much attention to what I was thinking inside, and my husband was just a life companion who made do with me.

But now, when I lose the most important loved ones in my life, I often wonder: why don't I still live for myself?

I began to feel my existence as a living entity. The first half of life has passed, and in the second half, I hope to gain true freedom and happiness, to make life clearer. Accepting death and accepting the limitations of life are the dividing points of my life. If it weren't for my parents leaving like this, I wouldn't have truly understood.

So since my parents left me, the happiest day for me was the day I divorced. I have the courage to smash something that looks good and face the most authentic appearance of life.

Sense of empathy: Never forget, there will always be an echo

On a weekday evening, Confi received a package of a free range chicken sent by her uncle from his hometown chicken farm. She skillfully removed the chicken from the cold chain packaging and used a knife to cut it along the chicken's skeleton into three edible portions.

Confi never expected that she would quickly learn to do these household chores in her thirties. She now remembers that longing is a driving force. She wants to do things that her parents have done before in order to gain a sense of empathy, which is her way of comforting herself.

Confi: There is always some subtle evidence to suggest that I am alleviating. For example, when my parents first left, my shopping desire dropped to zero. When I got married, my lover gave me a bag that I had liked for a long time, which was not cheap, but at that moment, I felt a bit overwhelmed.

However, in the past year, I have also started to regain my focus on things I originally liked, such as drinking tea. I would ask my friends to bring me expensive tea from various places of origin, and I am willing to spend thousands of yuan on tea sets. People are like this, you may set aside some of your habits due to major changes, but some of your instincts and background in life will not change, whether you like it or not.

Kangfei has developed a habit of drinking tea in recent years. Photo by Yang Shuyuan

In a recent dream, I saw my mother and asked her how to see her at any time. My mother's answer is: "If you see someone around you showing kindness to you, then she is my embodiment." My mother is a rural housewife, and this is actually not her usual way of speaking. But I am willing to believe that this is what she said.

We take their genes with us to see this world, and I feel that my current life, my will, is the continuation of their lives.

I found that my pursuit of life has really changed. I still can't adapt to working from home all day in the office. In order to win over the crowd, I took the initiative to request my boss to give me a salary reduction. If I had been competitive in the past, I would have been disappointed. After the Tangshan assault incident in the summer of 2022, I didn't fall asleep all night and thought how could my life be trampled and trampled on like this? I used to be a very self-centered person. But now, I seem to have become more compassionate, and I also see the situation of some people behind them in some social news.

Now, my desire to maintain a good social order has deepened. For example, square dancing that disrupts the public, and neighbors occupying fire exits with garbage and debris will all become reasons for me to stand up.

Kang Ting: Last year, I found some relevant clauses that allow a disability assessment to be conducted after a child is injured for one year, so that their physical education assessment in the college entrance examination may be exempted. As a mother, of course, my anxiety is far greater than my ability to exercise after being injured