Where is the problem?, Family Education Interview | Psychiatrist Chen Fafa ①: Children are unwilling to go to school | Family | Family Education
The middle and high school entrance exams have ended and summer vacation has begun, but around learning, some families are still filled with gunpowder: parents believe that their children are not working hard enough, and even have internet addiction; Children express their growth efforts in exaggerated ways.
Not doing homework, playing games, watching videos... Children hide in "problems", while parents only see "problems" and not people.
Understanding the problem, understanding the people behind the problem, and understanding the family behind the people are the core viewpoints of medical doctor and psychiatrist Chen Fafa. He writes books, gives lectures, and opens video accounts, constantly telling everyone how families shape independent individuals, how to avoid cross-border behaviors caused by unclear family boundaries, how families in difficult situations seek positive change, and how to better understand their own and family's psychological problems from the perspective of the family system, so as to grow into healthier and more complete individuals and build happier families.
This summer, parents may want to read Dr. Chen's monograph "Why Families Get Sick" with their children, and start the next academic year with new insights.
Chen developed a doctor of medicine from Tongji University, deputy chief physician of the Mental Health Center affiliated to Tongji University, registered psychologist of the Clinical Psychology Registration Committee of the Chinese Psychological Association, and the first batch of certified supervisors of the Chinese Mental Health Association. The professional direction is psychiatry, family-based psychotherapy and counseling, and mental health of children and adolescents. He is also the youth member of the psychiatrist branch of the Chinese Medical Doctor Association, the vice chairman of the Youth Committee of the psychosomatic medicine special committee of the Chinese Medical Doctor Association, the member of the sexual psychology professional committee of the Chinese Mental Health Association, the member of the psychological consultation and psychotherapy professional committee of the Chinese Mental Health Association, and the member of the family therapy group.
Study Room: In the preface of your book, you shared an incident you encountered shortly after working: a couple came to see a doctor with their 8-9-year-old daughter, complaining that their child was unwilling to go to school. You have undergone a routine examination in the psychiatric department and have not found any pathological emotional or behavioral issues. So, you told the couple that their daughter is not sick. The couple asked you, "If a child doesn't want to go to school, there must be a problem. What should we do?" Over the years, how have you been searching for answers? Is "Why Do Families Get Sick" your answer?
Chen Fafa: I didn't work for long at that time, so I was really stopped and could only say to them, "I don't know how to help you, this is not within the scope of psychiatric treatment." But since then, I have always remembered the anxious and helpless eyes of this couple. I feel very uneasy inside.
![Where is the problem?, Family Education Interview | Psychiatrist Chen Fafa ①: Children are unwilling to go to school | Family | Family Education](https://a5qu.com/upload/images/6d65bc65125b7fa25274327288258d56.jpg)
This anxiety prompted me to start paying attention to the parts beyond the illness. The existence of anyone is not just an individual expression. Clinical practices related to "beliefs," "companionship," and "meaning" have enriched my knowledge system in psychiatry, making me understand that interactions and past experiences between people can make symptoms have functions and meanings that go beyond the disease itself. These meanings are more important and valuable than treating the disease itself.
Later, I studied family therapy under Zhao Xudong, a professor of psychiatry and philosophical psychology at Tongji University, a doctoral supervisor, and vice chairman of the China Association of Mental Health. I learned that this type of thinking pattern is called systematic thinking. The core of systematic thinking is "interaction", understanding each person and constructing different meanings in the interpersonal system influenced by interaction, with the important interpersonal system being the family. Therefore, in the process of treating each patient, I will have a detailed understanding of their family stories, and understand and intervene from the perspective of the family system.
I will compile these insights, experiences, and understandings into a book and share them with many readers who need to understand and comprehend themselves, especially those who need to understand and comprehend themselves from the perspective of family psychology.
Going to the Study: What is the Psychological Meaning of Home?
Chen Fafa: Home is not only a shelter from wind and rain, but also a place to shape oneself. The psychological significance of home is primarily to provide a sense of belonging.
A sense of belonging is the psychological foundation of human survival. When we do not feel acceptance, tolerance, and understanding within a group, we become anxious, timid, uneasy, and even avoid it. We will engage with the world in a familiar way to confirm our position and choose an appropriate mode to survive safely, which is the adaptive survival strategy. These strategies originated from our family of origin. The adaptation of families to children's needs and stable interaction patterns with them in different life events gradually form their sense of belonging. When we were young, when our needs were met, we would interpret the world as safe and accepted, and understand ourselves as welcomed and worthy of respect; When our needs are not met or we encounter difficulties, the responses and solutions of family members will gradually shape our patterns of coping with difficulties and setbacks as adults.
Secondly, there is a sense of separation. The essence of growth is to gradually move away from the family of origin and bid farewell to the past. Therefore, another important psychological function of the family is to shape a sense of separation. Separation is always uncomfortable, but it is also necessary. The earliest separation was when we came out of our mother's body and slowly found that there were also fathers, grandparents, grandparents, brothers and sisters around us. We gradually transition to building relationships with people outside of the family by participating in subsystems composed of different people in the family, and gain further separation experiences. These are all extensions of the separation experience from our mother. If the relationship between mother and child or one of the subsystems in a family is too close, or if other relationships are too tense and there are many conflicts, it will hinder the child's ability to establish relationships with others, hinder the formation of a sense of separation, and thus affect the child's mental health.
![Where is the problem?, Family Education Interview | Psychiatrist Chen Fafa ①: Children are unwilling to go to school | Family | Family Education](https://a5qu.com/upload/images/a715ec3db839bb75d8c418a29ff40233.jpg)
Finally, there is self nature. The sense of belonging and separation is a binary entity, and it is only when we experience sufficient security and belonging in a relationship that we dare to try to leave and establish a relationship with others. If families cater to the needs of their children and provide them with a self-determination experience, this experience will gradually help them establish a bounded area of autonomy, that is, self nature. How we view the world and how we interact with others depends on how we view ourselves, and our identification with ourselves often comes from our identification with our original family.
Going to the study: In recent years, the topic of the original family has become a hot topic. What do you think of this?
Chen Fafa: Home has given us the foundation of life, but not all the colors of life. If we persist in trying to change our own destiny by changing the attitudes of our original family or others, this persistence is actually repeating the early interaction patterns with family members or others, without forming a sufficient sense of separation.
As adult family members, we need to learn to understand ourselves from the perspective of our original family, rather than blaming all the setbacks in our growth on our original family. We don't need to change the background color of life, nor can we change it. What we can do is try to add our own color on top of the background color.
"Why Families Get Sick" by Chen Fafa, published by Machinery Industry Press