Both Chinese and American Parents Faced with Choices, Family Education Interview | Hillary Friedman: Do You Want a Chick Boy or Not

In a sense, competition is inevitable in human society, but how should we understand childhood competition? What are parents and children arguing about? What kind of social consciousness is reflected behind childhood competition... American scholar Hillary Friedman conducted a comprehensive study of childhood competition activities in American society based on detailed interviews in her book "To the End: Raising Children in a Competitive Environment"; Translator Dong Yingzhi translated this monograph with rigorous yet vivid strokes, presenting it to Chinese readers. We can look back at the current phenomenon of childhood competition in Chinese society through the issue of childhood competition in American society, but in any case, "To the End" only provides one perspective on the problem, not the whole, and not the standard answer.

"To the End: Raising Children in a Competitive Environment", written by Hillary Friedman and translated by Dong Yingzhi, published by Guangdong People's Publishing House

Childhood competitive capital

Childhood competitive capital also has a component of social capital, and there has been uneven distribution; The qualities related to childhood capital competition are built upon five fundamental skills and experiences

Going to the study: What kind of opportunity has sparked your research interest in the issue of childhood competitive capital?

Hillary Friedman: Many years ago, when I was a college student, I did a project specifically studying young girls participating in children's beauty pageants. Through this project, I believe I have observed the fact that childhood competition has become increasingly fierce. After graduating from Harvard University with a bachelor's degree, I went to several other Ivy League universities to study the expectations of parents towards their children. During this period, I completed a paper on competitive extracurricular activities, linking parents' anxiety about their children's future in primary school with their current educational methods and strategies. This paper is the foundation of this book.

American scholar Hillary Friedman

The research in this book is mainly based on a 16 month field survey that covered 95 families in major cities in the Northeast United States, including 172 interviews with parents, children, teachers, and coaches. I think my interviews with the children are particularly important and interesting. Although some researchers do not advocate conducting interviews with children, I believe that by taking children's statements, behaviors, and questions seriously in interviews, we are deepening our understanding of childhood and research methods. Overall, the core of the book "To the End" is a story about social reproduction. What interests me is how parents' daily parenting decisions affect intergenerational social structures. My research reveals how those parenting models are institutionalized through children's specialized and competitive extracurricular activities. In fact, the increasing inequality in American society over the past 25 years has made childhood and parenting topics particularly important. And my research on competitive extracurricular activities focuses on the affluent middle class, which helps us understand the impact of decisions made by parents in their children's childhood on their future academic and career development, as well as why these impacts exist - and in turn, helps us understand how disadvantaged parents use cultural activities to help their children.

Study Room: In your book, you discussed the five basic skills of childhood competitive capital, namely "the importance of internalizing victory", "learning to overcome failure and win in the future", "learning to complete tasks within limited time", "learning to succeed in high-pressure environments", and "accepting others' judgments calmly in public places". How do you understand the concept of childhood competitive capital and its related five basic skills?

Hillary Friedman: Based on Bourdieu's research on cultural capital, I used the term "childhood competitive capital" to describe the experiences and skills that parents hope their children gain in participating in competitive activities. Childhood competitive capital also has a component of social capital, as it connects children and their families, allowing them to enter social circles. In addition, it can also be considered as a symbolic capital, mainly because the honors won by children can bring them additional social recognition. Inevitably, the forces that cause inequality in education, work, and other fields have infiltrated the world of entertainment. That is to say, there has also been an uneven distribution of childhood competitive capital.

The qualities related to childhood capital competition are built upon five fundamental skills and experiences. The importance of internalizing victory is the primary goal of obtaining childhood competitive capital. On the one hand, competitive children's activities reinforce the concept of winning by giving trophies and other means, and children constantly strengthen their awareness and belief in wanting to win; On the other hand, it is also important to accept failure calmly, learn to learn from it, and regroup. Failure is inevitable, and competitive activities during childhood help children learn how to stand up from failure and how to work hard to become long-term winners. Learning to complete tasks within a limited time is also a key skill, and competitions often have certain time constraints, making it crucial to achieve the best results within a limited time. One of the key ways to cope with time pressure is to concentrate, and the inherent pressure environment of competitive activities helps children improve this ability. Children must also strike a balance between participating in competitive activities and school assignments and other activities. In addition, children also need to adapt to achieving success under high pressure - in reality, there will always be various unexpected factors and unsatisfactory situations, such as too cold or too hot in the competition venue. At this time, it is necessary to eliminate external interference and focus. The final component of childhood competitive capital is that children's performance is to be evaluated by a group of strangers in a stressful environment, and how to calmly accept the judgment of others in public is also an important ability.

Why did you choose football, dance, and chess as the subjects of investigation and research in the study?

Hillary Friedman: Most competitive activities during childhood belong to the following types: sports, arts, and academia. I have taken one example from each of the three major types for research: football corresponds to sports, dance corresponds to art, and chess corresponds to academia. Football is the most direct and natural choice, and as one of the most popular youth team sports, over 3 million children register with the American Youth Football Association every year. By playing football, children can learn teamwork and discipline. Competitive dance is gaining momentum, with an estimated number of participants ranging from 400000 to 600000. Chess is also very popular. Every spring and autumn, thousands of elementary school students in the United States participate in local competitions and even sign up for the National Chess Championship. In the past decade, the student membership of the American Chess Federation has almost doubled. Parents who engage their children in chess often mention these two skills and believe that they distinguish chess from other activities: focus and strategic thinking. Participating in sports such as chess, dance, and football is an important part of the collaborative process for many families, especially middle-class families, to cultivate the next generation.

Study Room: How do you view the impact of rewards on children's competitive activities?

Hillary Friedman: There are two different types of rewards. One is the reward that parents may give; Another type is the rewards given by the competition itself, such as trophies, ribbons, badges, and medals. When interviewing children, I learned about the importance of trophies to them, even though some trophies have low production costs and rough appearance. But children are very intelligent, and their desire for trophies is not because of the trophy itself, but because of the meaning behind the trophy - the trophy belongs to the best performing person, which really has a great attraction for them. The symbolic significance of trophies is also very important for families.

Parents should also give their children appropriate rewards within the scope of economic conditions, not necessarily expensive or flashy, but let meaningful small prizes help them internalize the importance of victory. In fact, children openly discuss material rewards and have never described them as "bribes"; Children know that they must win or perform excellently in order to obtain these spoils of war. However, it is difficult to overlook that children sometimes win awards just for the sake of winning, neglecting to enhance their inner learning ability and competitiveness. This also requires parents and teachers to provide appropriate positive guidance.

Competition or free play

Childhood is a period of shelved time, or a period of preparing for adulthood? These two things can actually happen simultaneously, and a balance can be found between them

Going to the study: You mentioned in your book that "to a large extent, we cannot fully understand the long-term impact of competition on children," but you seem to be more inclined to believe that allowing children to participate in extracurricular activities to accumulate childhood competitive capital is positive; But how to view some negative voices - for example, children should enjoy their childhood carefree, competition is an adult's thing; Excessive competition pressure on children can have a negative impact on their mental health, even going against their nature.

Hillary Friedman: Firstly, it depends on the future direction that parents plan for their children. In fact, allowing children to participate in certain competitive activities depends on whether parents believe it is necessary for their children's future; On the other hand, it depends on the child's interests.

I also want to point out that the idea that childhood is a carefree and innocent time is an abnormal phenomenon in human history. It is not uncommon for children to engage in heavy agricultural labor during their childhood when their families had to rely on land for a living.

All the parents I interviewed believe that their children need to have "childhood competitive capital" in order to succeed in future life, but most parents are also worried that their children may not have free time to play or may not be able to be carefree children. It is worth noting that although parents may sometimes be deeply entangled, they still send their children to participate in various childhood competition activities. At the same time, the children I know are actively participating in various competitive activities.

In this world full of uncertainty, parents hope that their children can gain childhood competitive capital by participating in childhood competitive activities, and maximize their chances of success in the future. Childhood is a period of shelved time, or a period of preparing for adulthood? I think these two things can actually happen simultaneously, and we can find a balance between them.

Study Room: You mentioned in the book two tracks for cultivating childhood competitive capital - generalists and specialists. Is the path of specialization more difficult than the path of communication? Is the path of universal talent more conducive to the sustainable development of children?

Hillary Friedman: The focus of the talent track is to cultivate children into comprehensive talents with different abilities. Parents who hope their children can take the path of being versatile will encourage them to participate in various competitive activities, and it is best to achieve success through hard work, even if the child is not outstanding in any activity. This strategy helps children learn how to balance multiple activities and express themselves in different environments, which helps them accumulate more childhood competitive capital. Although some parents who specialize in the field may start with generalists, they have already made up their minds to specialize in a competitive activity even when their children are still in elementary school. This may be because parents believe it is the best choice, or because the child is showing talent in certain aspects. To some extent, the specialized track leading to the tip of the pyramid allows children to compete continuously to win national championship championships or outstanding achievement awards. However, this track requires cultivation from an early age, requiring professional coaches, extraordinary talents, and a large amount of family resources - the competitiveness of professional families is the strongest, and their behavior and attitude raise the threshold for others to succeed, thereby affecting all families. In reality, only a few children can take this path.

In fact, whichever path one takes must be considered based on specific circumstances, and there are pros and cons to it: the depth and mastery of a particular field by a specialist can indeed make it easier for children to be recognized and develop in that field; But it also carries certain risks. If children are unwilling or unable to further develop in this field due to various subjective or objective factors, then starting a new path from scratch will be extremely difficult. Many parents also express that they encourage their children to participate in multiple activities in the hope of providing them with an alternative option to prevent problems with a particular activity, such as injury or major failure. They are worried that their children will put their eggs in the same basket at this age, but to some extent, society requires you to be professional, and people's time and energy are limited. As children grow up, it is necessary to decide which field they will eventually enter.

Overall, generalists and specialists subtly reveal what parents believe they are cultivating their children for in a society. They do their best to enable their children to gain some childhood competitive capital for future success.

Study Room: You pointed out in the book that on the one hand, the concept of success path in parents' minds varies depending on the gender of their children; On the other hand, class plays an important role in parents' decision-making on a certain activity - with a focus on what kind of femininity parents choose to cultivate in young girls, and what gender scripts run in "elegant girls", "enterprising girls", and "pink warriors". Please introduce these scripts and the impact of gender and class factors on childhood competitive activities.

Hillary Friedman: Unlike masculinity, parents and children believe that there are many acceptable feminine qualities, so it is expected that different gender scripts will emerge in childhood competitive activities. Firstly, there is an elegant girl. When talking about the benefits of dance for their daughters, mothers emphasized that dance can help them become elegant. The elegant girl strategy tells girls that they need to have a good appearance, elegant behavior, and gentle support for their competitors. The script for enterprising girls is more commonly seen in football, as these girls chase real and metaphorical balls and are taught to possess qualities of ambition and perseverance. The Pink Warrior script is more commonly seen in chess activities - chess is a form of intellectual competition where girls can focus on their female appearance while being proactive.

There are quite a few studies indicating that class is more important than all other factors, but I am more inclined towards the view that when gender is combined with class and race, a completely new identity is created. In the past, society restricted women's free development in multiple aspects, and today we cannot say that the restrictions on women have been completely eliminated. In fact, both boys and girls may be constrained by gender in childhood education. For example, some parents may think that boys learning to dance is too girlish, while girls playing football is too boyish. But in fact, they all have broader choices - how to be a boy and what kind of man to become; How to be a girl and what kind of woman to become. But childhood competitive activities seem to have more transformative effects on girls, and these changes seem to vary depending on social class. In short, gender and class are related to competitive structures and influence parents' decisions on whether their children participate in certain activities.

The key is what kind of parents to be

This issue is not related to China and the United States, but rather to how parents take care of their children; If children lack basic problem-solving skills, it is difficult to imagine them as comprehensive and competitive individuals

Going to the study: What led to the increasingly fierce competition for capital in American childhood?

Hillary Friedman: Competitive activities for children in the United States emerged as early as the late 19th century. Today, there are more activities and competitions in the United States, and the class backgrounds of participants have also changed.

The increasing intensity of competitive activities is primarily related to changes in American households and population structure. As the family size becomes smaller, the number of children in each family decreases, leading parents to invest more energy and financial resources in their children's education. Meanwhile, parents are becoming more anxious as their children's chances of success are decreasing. The population growth brought about by the baby boom and echo boom era has intensified competition in various aspects, especially in terms of university admissions, where the number of admissions to top universities is increasingly in short supply. In addition, the changes in awards and competition organizations in American culture are also important reasons.

Study Room: According to your observation, are there any differences in the views of American and Chinese parents on the issue of child competition?

Hillary Friedman: Many parents in Asian countries encourage their children to spend a lot of time tutoring their subjects, while most American parents prefer to involve their children in sports, arts, and other activities. A crucial point in the American competitive mindset is that the activities children engage in should not look too much like a job, even though competitive activities clearly carry a work-related connotation. Of course, this is just my personal observation.

This difference may be related to how many choices Chinese and American children each have. In the United States, only about 1% of people can attend Ivy League schools, and not everyone can attend university. There are many technical jobs, such as plumbers and electricians, that do not require a college diploma.

Here, it is necessary for us to discuss what success is. Many parents believe that going to a good university is the key to success for their children. But what does that bring about is economic prosperity? Do you have a prominent profession or title? But these secular successes can also bring some negative impacts, such as reducing the time spent with family. This returns to the question of what can make a person happy.

The answer to this question clearly varies from person to person. After the baby boom in the United States, competition pressure has also increased day by day - enrollment quotas have become scarce, and American parents have also increased their anxiety about their children's competition, but after all, there are not as many "tiger mothers" as in China.

Regarding the issue of "Tiger Mom", on the one hand, I think it is necessary to have appropriate requirements for children. Children should learn self-discipline, and on the other hand, they should not go to extremes. For example, if a child fails to achieve a certain goal and refuses to eat dinner, this approach is not advisable. I think there is no right or wrong in cultivating children overall, but we should pay attention to listening to their voices. There is no quantitative standard for the total amount of activities or participation time to ensure that children enter Ivy League universities, nor is there an intelligent model that can tell us in advance whether letting our children learn ballet instead of karate will make them more rebellious in the future. However, there is a way to make children's childhood as enjoyable, creative, and adventurous as possible, while training them to be prepared for the next step in life. That is to let children explore a series of structured options so that they will know what they like after entering middle and high school.

Study Room: A survey shows that Chinese children have better standardized proficiency test abilities than American children before entering university, but their innovation abilities are weaker than American children after entering university. What do you think of this issue?

Hillary Friedman: Actually, this question is not about China and the United States, but about how parents take care of their children. There is a type of parents known as "helicopter parents" who always hover over their children's heads and do almost everything that the child should do on their own. After entering university, such children may not even know how to do laundry, let alone manage themselves. They lack the basic ability to handle things, and it is difficult to imagine being a comprehensive and competitive person. After graduating from college, such children may become even more confused and ask, "Who am I?". This is an important question that both Chinese and American parents need to consider - what kind of parents to be.